I don’t know about you, but I have pretty much had my share of the cold weather. I admit that I enjoy spring, summer and fall much more than winter. I don’t know if it’s true, but despite the fact that we haven’t had that much snow, this winter seems to be a colder winter so far then I remember.

Part of what makes winter so difficult is that I’m not sure my wife and I are thermostatically compatible. She likes things a little bit colder whereas I prefer them a little bit warmer. I’m often walking around in a sweater while Ellen is busy opening windows (that I try to close as soon as she leaves the room). Most of the time the difference is manageable but sleeping can sometimes be a problem. Well, it’s not actually the sleeping that’s the problem, it’s getting out from under the covers in the morning. With our bedroom window a little bit open, the morning routine can be a bit challenging.

Thermostatic incompatibility is not necessarily limited to body temperature. It can also be connected to the passion or lack of passion that marks a relationship. We all know the classic example where the husband is passionate in his enjoyment of sports whereas his wife’s passion about sports is often less than his own. This can also manifest itself in many other areas of a relationship and the successful couple learn how to moderate and navigate the differences they bring to their interest in, pursuit of and connection to, various areas of life.

In this week’s parsha, Aharon tries to take advantage of the thermostatic incompatibility between the men and women of Bnei Yisrael. The people made a mistake in their calculations as to when Moshe would descend from the mount and return to camp. As a result of that miscalculation, and perhaps urged on by the eiruv rav that had joined Bnei Yisrael when they left mitzrayim, the men approach Aharon requesting that he do something. Exactly what that something was, is the subject of a debate in the Gemarah.

According to one opinion in Sanhedrin (63a), the people never abandoned their belief in Hashem. They wanted something else, in addition to Hashem, that would guide them in the desert. The second opinion judges Bnei Yisrael much more harshly, suggesting that they demanded from Aharon a full-fledged avodah zarah.

The commentaries themselves struggle to understand precisely what it was that Bnei Yisrael wanted. Regardless of whether their intentions were to create an actual avodah zarah, some sort of partnership to Hashem, or a replacement of Moshe, all agree that Aharon did his best to stall the process. He understood that those who had approached him were running hot and that they were passionate, and perhaps desperate, about their request. He knew that he needed to find a way to attempt to moderate those passions until Moshe would actually return.

The Ralbag (R’ Levi ben Gershon, 1288 – 1344, France) writes that Aharon realized that he had no chance of success in simply denying the requests of the people. They would kill him due to his refusal and bring about a state of affairs that might very well preclude recovery. According to the understanding of the Ralbag התחכם להאריך הענין כפי מה שיוכל – Aharon wisely understood that his only course of action was to delay.

Therefore, he sent the men back to their homes to secure the gold jewelry of their wives, anticipating that this would cause a delay. He melted down the gold and tried to delay it from being fully shaped into some kind of figure. Even when the calf had emerged, Aharon told them to build an altar upon which sacrifices would ultimately be offered. All the while Aharon hoped that the delay would moderate to the passion of the people and provide an opportunity for Moshe to return.

Ultimately, Aharon was not successful and our parsha records the disastrous events of the golden calf. There are times when passions burn so strongly that attempts to moderate them are simply futile.

Such need not be the case in our connection to each other. We need to be able to appreciate that often times we are motivated by different interests and guided by different passions. People do not need to be the same, nor necessarily interested in the same thing at the same level in order to have a successful and meaningful relationship. Being respectful of each other’s interests and perhaps even learning from our differences can create a stronger bond and a more exciting future.

If you’re comfortable at 74° but your spouse needs 62°, life is going to be a bit challenging. But if you can learn to live at 70° and your spouse can make it to 66°, there’s a good chance to work it out. After all, adjusting is what life is all about.

Shabbat shalom.